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RESOURCES
CLIPS
✧ Episode 1, Goliath: Disgrace/Numb it with Ice scene. Silas is a douche.
✧ Episode 1, Goliath: Jack and his paintball gun + relationship with Thomasina.
✧ Episode 3, Prosperity: Jack is a silly bitch wasting a lot of money + talking to his men with heart eyes.
✧ Episode 4, First Night: Jack telling David to get out more aka Jack asking David out on a date.
✧ Episode 4, First Night: Jack walks into the club like what up i got a big sexuality crisis.
✧ Episode 4, First Night: Jack being a hot mess/screaming at a dude to hit him/Jack's masochism.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: An old school Lord and Master.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: Jack is butthurt about David.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: Jack pits David against Michelle.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: Jack's 'Fighting for my right to exist' thing, with Michelle.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: Jack's talk about tar on his soul and being a terrible person.
✧ Episode 6, Judgment Day: Jack's A+ Seduction Skills.
✧ Episode 7, Brotherhood: Jack's sadism/losing his shit on Whatshisass/pistol whipping.
✧ Episode 7, Brotherhood: Jack and David's heart to hearts/Jack being crazy again.
✧ Episode 7, Brotherhood: Words don't settle debt aka sry u shot some1 4 me, davey
✧ Episode 8, Sabbath Queen: Sabbath Queen scene w/ Joseph aka Those Two Seconds That Jack Was Happy.
✧ Episode 9, Pilgrimage: Jack's reactions to Joseph's death, aka dating me is so bad my bf commit suicide, obv, warnings for suicide.
✧ Episode 9, Pilgrimage: Rose's A+ Parenting Skills. Rose is a Douche..
✧ Episode 9, Pilgrimage: Jack & Michelle scenes - Jack loves sissy.
✧ Episode 10, Chapter One: Jack being a douche and also hitting on his bodyguard again.
✧ Episode 10, Chapter One: Deleted Scene with Lucinda/Jack being sort of nice.
✧ Episode 11, Javelin: Jack being a legal prosecutor/you have the teeth for flesh.
✧ Episode 11, Javelin: Jack and David's jail time meet up.
✧ Episode 11, Javelin: Jack stands up against Silas in court to save David/Silas says the F word. Silas is a douche.
✧ Episode 12, The New King: Part 1: 'Kneel' scene. Silas is a douche.
✧ Episode 13, The New King: Part 2: Jack being sparkle eyed at Davidchan re: let's be fronds pls.
✧ Episode 13, The New King: Part 2: Jack being creepy at Rose.
✧ Episode 13, The New King: Part 2: Jack's surrender and demand for execution. Silas is a douche.
✧ Episode 13, The New King: Part 2: Jack is issued his sentence, a living death. Silas is a douche.
QUOTES
JACK: The queen's cellphone. it's got the emails, birthdays and bad spelling of everyone comprising society in this country.
MICHELLE: I think they're more concerned with nation security.
JACK: No luck?
ROSE: It's your fault. I blame the grief. You had me worried, Jack. You promised me you'd never die.
JACK: Well, I kept my promise. See? Look, how long will we have to suffer that one?
ROSE: He's harmless. He's a cockerspaniel.
JACK: That cockerspaniel just got the best post in the military. I was the one taken hostage. That should have been my job. Instead I'm being brought in for questioning.
ROSE: More discipline? You don't do yourself any favors with your night life.
JACK: They're saying things about the kidnapping - that it was my fault the squad was ambushed. That I was impulsive and went in without a support team.
ROSE: Did you?
JACK: Of course not. I called for overwatch as soon as I got the order. Those woods were crawling - we had support. At least when we went in and then... the shooting started and we were alone. I lost men. We had support. Please, tlak to him. They could bring me up on charges.
ROSE: You know I don't like to get involved in politics. But if I were to suggest something, I'd say let them.
JACK: Let them court martial me?
ROSE: Why not? Truth outed slowly is remembered longest. So sit through their meetings. They'll see what's what soon enough, and then they'll have to cover you with so many medals and apologies. You'll be stuffed with all the banquets in your high honor. Be patient, Jack. It'll all come out in the wash. Probably with my damn cellphone.
SILAS (to jack): We give up what we want when we want power. Believe me. Now, you want to show me you have the heart to be king, show me you can control it. (...) You cannot be what God made you, not if you mean to take my place.
SILAS: (to david) Do not presume to tell us what to do. We are king and we do as seems right in mine eye. Say otherwise again and we will snap your neck right now.
JACK: My father throws me a bone in court and thinks I'll forget a life time of him looking at me in disappointment.
JACK: All things come to us, and only the best.
JACK: Bruno. They're all with me - very important people. We've got my brother, my cousin, my (???)cologist. Tennis instructor. Oh. Can't forget about my shrinks.
DAVID: That's gotta be fun.
JACK: What?
DAVID: Being you.
JACK: My dad has his boardroom. I have this. It's a mystery. My parents did whatever they did long ago, and then had sex, and had me, and now people care what I wear and where I go.
DAVID: Is it always like this?
JACK: Oh, it only gets better. If you're even interested.
DAVID: I'm not a saint.
JACK: No I'm guessing you're just lack for opportunity. The thing about royalty is, there's no end to what people will do to get close to you. Like it'll rub off and suddenly make them less obscure. Something in the way my mom set up the monarchy. They think we're something other than human.
DAVID: So they... give you things.
JACK: Whatever they have. The waters part and dignity crumbles. I have a room in my apartment just for that. It's all there. The things you can do or have or have done to you - I can't even begin to tell you how deep it goes. And I've dug. But I can promise you - if you start digging, you won't be thinking about my sister after.
JACK: (watching David flirt) How quickly they grow up.
JOSEPH: I wasn't sure you'd be here.
JACK: Last minute thing, came with friends.
JOSEPH: You gotta do your thing?
JACK: Yep.
JOSEPH: See you after.
JACK: Not a good idea.
JOSEPH: Why? No eyes on you tonight. Look, I know the drill. Meet you later. I miss you. What is it? Is it the guy you came with?
JACK: If I didn't call you there's a reason. Take the hint. Time to go.
JACK: (telling dudebro that they're moving parties) Next stop, round up the kids.
JACK: (to david) Gotta go buddy.
DAVID: Already? I'm sorta okay here.
JACK: (looks at girl) You can do better.
JACK: Trouble comes.
CLAUDIA: Trouble called.
(...)
JACK: He's feeling a little clean.
CLAUDIA: You're an awful human being. I miss our little (??)
JACK: Help me and maybe we can reinstate.
JOSEPH: Jack, just talk to me.
JACK: Can't be like it was, Joseph, I can't.
JOSEPH: I don't understand. What happened?
JACK: Stay away.
JOSEPH: I love you.
(has bodyguards kick him out, gets into a fight right after)
JACK: You got a problem with me friend?
STRANGER: No. It's cool.
JACK: You backing away?
STRANGER: Well the crown pimp doesn't fight his own fights. I swing, your backup takes over.
JACK: Yeah, that could- (laugh) That could be a problem for you- (tackles)
DAVID: Heyheyheyhey- Jack, Jack!
JACK: (shoves him) Stay away from me. (continues fighting, two guys jump in and back up tries to restrain one, Jack freaks out) No, No! Just come here! Hit me. Hit me! Hit me, man! Go ahead. (takes several hits before getting loose, straddles one of the guy, punches his face in repeatedly )
JACK: It's always midnight in the clock shop.
MICHELLE: I know you, Jack. You don't let other people tell you what to do. You give the orders.
JACK: I'm just a humble civil servant.
JACK: To save myself. Don't you get it? I'm fighitng for my right to exist!
MICHELLE: Whose life is more secure than yours? You're the Prince.
JACK: And you're the princess. Born first by four minutes, eldest by a hair. Are you really that innocent that you haven't thought about it yourself? Or are you just too ashamed to admit you have?
MICHELLE: No one wants your crown.
JACK: Not yet. You can't produce and heir, so what? You could still take right of place. I see the way you look at Shepherd. I see the way your father looks at him. All it takes is one wedding, and he can make of the pair of you a king and queen. And me? Suddenly the court jester. I will not sit by and be plowed into obscurity by someone else's ambition. Not after all I sacrificed.
MICHELLE: What do you want me to do? Swear to never see David again?
JACK: All you have to do is tell Shepherd to take what's offered.
JACK: You're missing the festivities.
GHENT: His brother will die in the morning thanks to you.
JACK: Thanks to us.
GHENT: David didn't do it. Why?
JACK: Because he actually believes in my father. Even without him denouncing the king, and with his brother's head on the chop, he won't stay. Either way, I'm rid of him.
GHENT: Only at the cost of tar on your soul.
JACK: Don't you worry about my immortal soul. It's been starved. Maybe you want to feed it. Or lecture me sternly somewhere private. (she moves leaves, jack intercepts her) You of all people - judging me?
GHENT: Well. That can't feel good when someone like me won't even have you.
JACK: You've made your first true kill. Never an easy thing. It changes the color of your blood. Paints your conscience. You did that for me.
DAVID: I tell myself I had no choice.
JACK: There's always a choice.
DAVID: You don't owe me anything.
JACK: Words don't settle debt.
JACK: Princess. Princess! Nope. Not her either. (laughing like a shit while looking for his endangered, lost sister. He is a shit. Also a drunk shit.)
STRANGER: You're him, right?
JACK: You gonna freak out on me?
STRANGER: The lights are down. Be anyone you want.
(quiet pause while he watches his date looking for him, before he disappears to go find joseph and spend the evening with him until the lights come back on)
JOSEPH: Just tell me so I know. Was it real?
JACK: You're the only real thing I ever touched.
MICHELLE: What happened? Come on, we used to tell each other everything.
JACK: I used to take all your stuff.
MICHELLE: Maybe I can help.
JACK: I doubt it.
MICHELLE: Maybe you can help me.
JACK: You want me to help you with this thing with David.
MICHELLE: Are we that obvious?
JACK: No, you hid in the shadows like the best of us, you have a talent for deceit - I was impressed. That's why I won't help you.
MICHELLE: You want to see David suffer? This hurts me, not him.
JACK: Whatever it is you don't want him to see or hear or know - you can bury it. You can bury it so deep you won't find it yourself anymore. But you'll wish you hadn't. You want help with things you'll regret, go to your uncle. I won't do it.
REVEREND: The funeral is about to begin.
JACK: Is that what this is?
REVEREND: It's an open service. All are welcome.
JACK: (rolls up window)
JACK (about joseph): He was trying to save me. From me. And I destroyed him for it.
JACK (about joseph, to rose): He loved me. And I loved him. I loved him. I cut him out of my heart. Because that's what dad wanted. That's what you wanted. And now the only person who saw me - who really saw me and still loved me. He's dead.
ROSE: (slaps him) Good.
KATRINA: Nobility doesn't suit you, Jack.
JACK: Ruin me and you'll crush my mother far worse.
KATRINA: What if I offered you a way to save your sister and yourself?
JACK: And how many lives would I have to destroy to make that happen?
KATRINA: Just one. The Queen.
JACK: And how would I do that?
KATRINA: By marrying me. I always wanted to be royalty.
MICHELLE: We'll both be on his bad side soon enough.
JACK: Maybe not. ( hands camera )
MICHELLE: Jack, where did you get this? You saved my life.
JACK: No. No, I didn't. It just feels that way. The truth doesn't get any easier to tell. It only gets harder, until it's gone forever.
JACK (to rose, about lucinda): You're taking a cudgel to an infant.
LUCINDA: So many people’s names to remember... all those ministers.
JACK: You don’t have to get perfect scores to make her happy.
LUCINDA: It’s not her I want to make happy.
JACK: You know you deserve better. You’re a good person. Run while you still can. *Find the life you want to make happy.
LUCINDA: I’m not going.
JACK: You want fame that much?
LUCINDA: Not fame...
JACK: You can’t actually ever have me. You know that, too.
LUCINDA: I know and that’s the horrible thing, isn’t it? Because I love you. I wish I didn’t but there it is. I’ve waited my whole life to feel it and now I do. There’s no good to come of it. I love you and I’m stuck so I’ll take the crumbs. I’ll even take your mother. So long as I’m near you.
JACK: You demanded my presence. Fine. Begging gets redundant after the first snot bubble, so let's try to do this quick.
DAVID: There's a plot against your father. I think they mean to kill him and replace him as king.
JACK: You call me here to... make up some stories about what, some coup? You think that's going to save you? You should have stuck to begging. It has more dignity.
DAVID: It's your uncle. And Reverand Samuels.
JACK: The Reverand. Really? And what do they want from you? You want to be their king?
DAVID: If I did? Easier for you to attack me when you know I've done no wrong. You need to warn Silas.
JACK: You sit here in a cell thinking of ways to save a man who's going to let you hang. You think you're that good.
DAVID: He won't listen to me but he'll listen to you.
JACK: He's not your father, he's mine.
DAVID: He's still my king.
JACK: Even now?
DAVID: I'm just doing what you'd do, Jack. You should be careful too.
DAVID: I stand before you, prepared to elaborate on my crimes.
JACK: Stop talking, David.
SILAS: You're out of order, Major.
DAVID: I'm guilty.
JACK: No he's not.
SILAS: The prosecution will stand down.
JACK: I can't go along with this any more. This was all a set up. David Shepherd was framed - he's not a traitor. I am. Silas is.
SILAS: Silence!
JACK: There's been silence too long. I am guilty, but not more so than my father, who celuded to have david found a traitor when he is anything but.
SILAS: Shut up!
JACK: King Silas framed this entire case, coerced witnesses, faked evidence, convinced me to lie against David. But I see now that David is a better man than the rest of us. Innocent, deserving respect.
SILAS: What do you know about respect, you never had it, you--
JACK: He's innocent, it's over!
SILAS: He's admitted to being guilty!
JACK: You're no King.
SILAS: And you're no prince, you faggot! Guards, arrest Major Benjamin now! David Shepherd, you are guilty of treason! Take him away! Take them away!
DAVID: You lied. To everyone.
SILAS: You're a traitor. You're both traitors. You're all traitors!
ARMED GUARDS: Stop where you are.
JACK: (thinking he's about to get shot) So this is it? Not even a trial?
JACK: I couldn't watch him do that to David. I'm sorry.
Rose: Jack.
Silas: Oh forget Jack.
Rose: He's in hiding from you.
Silas: So he should be.
Rose: He's your son. Who once you held in the palm of your hand. His laughter was God's greatest gift.
Silas: Not anymore.
SILAS (talking about jack): If he behaves, I won't cut his throat.
JACK: I come to beg forgiveness
SILAS: Forgiveness is a form of love and I do not love you. (Rose: Silas...)
JACK: Yes you do.
SILAS: Kneel. Kneel. (kneels) Now kiss the ground I walk on. (Rose: Silas.) Your mouth's been in dirtier places. (does so after a long pause) That's the second time your mother's given you life. It'll be the last.
DAVID: It's true then. He's dead.
JACK: Mourn if you must. I was worried you wouldnt make this.
DAVID: It was you. You saved my life. Why?
JACK: We're rid of the poison. My father is gone. It's my turn to rule and I want to do it well. I need someone good around here. I will try to do right by your example. I swear to you, from this moment on, I am your friend.
JACK: They took from us our best. But we cannot let the work of rogues impede my father's best ambition: peace. To that end, let it be said, let it be known, let it be remembered, that I, on the day of my melancholy ascention saw through that goal. But we needn't give up our land to achieve that peace - we can reach out to Gath--
CROSS: Enough. We suffered enough peacock speeches under him. If there's to be change, let it start there. I don't speak the backwards language of kings, so I'll talk plain - Silas is dead. Killed by Gath assassins. The media will confirm the story today. Jack will be king. His first order will be to avenge his father's murder. Gath has never wanted peace with us - they want war and we will give it to them. Ready our planes to strike.
JACK: No.
REVEREND: Perhaps we should wait. Mourn our loss. Not let grief cloud our good judgement.
DAVID: The country doesn't want this.
CROSS: They will when we're attacked. And Gath will strike - right here in Shiloh, you can count on it.
JACK: No, war is not the answer. As King--
CROSS: Sit down Jack. (soldier puts hand on his shoulder and makes him sit)
ROSE: Don't do this, Jack. You don't know him. He's alive. I know it. He's alive, he'll come back, and he will kill us all. (WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO HIM OMFG YOU ARE THE WORST PARENT.)
JACK (to silas): You said I couldn't be what I was. God said I couldn't be what I wanted. There's nothing left for me but to die. Do it. Go on. Finish it. I'm ready.
THOMASINA (to jack): Your father wants for you a living death, to brick you into a wall with someone who loves you - who you can’t stand the sight of... until you produce an heir, which Silas will take, and raise right this time.
Mordantsplendour - on "you're the only real thing i ever touched."
ilvalentinos - 'jack's not a good guy' vs jack trying to be a good guy
"Christ" Etymology
'Temple/Sanctuary' in Ancient Isreal
Jewish view of 'Satan'
"Thy glory, O Israel, is slain upon thy high places! How are the mighty fallen!"
"Tell it not in Gath, publish it not in the streets of Ashkelon; lest the daughters of the Philistines rejoice, lest the daughters of the uncircumcised exult."
"Ye mountains of Gilboa, let there be no dew or rain upon you, nor upsurging of the deep! For there the shield of the mighty was defiled, the shield of Saul, not anointed with oil. From the blood of the slain, from the fat of the mighty, the bow of Jonathan turned not back, and the sword of Saul returned not empty."
"Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided; they were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions."
"Ye daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you daintily in scarlet, who put ornaments of gold upon your apparel."
"How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! "Jonathan lies slain upon thy high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women."
"How are the mighty fallen, and the weapons of war perished!"
(2 Samuel 1:19-27 RSV)
Gilboa is a leading destination for international immigration. The country's capital, Shiloh, and its eight suburban counties have a combined population of 13,209,006 people, or 70.23% of the country's population. The estimated population of the entire kingdom is 25,306,183. The top ten cities of Gilboa by population are Shiloh (8,323,847), Gideon (1,279,912), Kardos (811,836), Selah (787,425), Mount Concord (341,696), Calvary (193,523), New Carmel (72,967), Abilene (67,924), Dathan (61,280), and New Hope (59,336).
Gilboa has been under a monarchial system since the Unification Wars united Carmel, Selah and Gilboa. King Silas exercises absolute power to rule his country and its citizens. The Ministry is a collective body of government ministers that participate in cabinet meetings. Gilboa operates on a common law legal system. The court system is headed by the King's Court, which only addresses cases brought through the Court of Appeals.
King Silas Benjamin has ruled over a time of unequalled prosperity and growth in Gilboa. He focused his efforts on uniting the people from the three original countries, building infrastructure and developing industry. Port Prosperity became the center for Gilboa's import and export, responsible for billions of the country's annual GNP. The city of Shiloh was rebuilt after the siege and rededicated as the capital of Gilboa, growing into one of the most modernized and wealthy cities in the world.
Settlers first crossed into the valley of Gilboa from the southern regions, and initially had good relations with the indigenous Gath tribes. However, disputes soon arose over water and herding rights, causing tensions between the communities. As Gilboan settlers worked to develop the land, the Gath Union began to rely upon its military power to keep their rivals at bay.
King Silas instituted a monarchy with a system of ministries appointed to advise him on the many areas of the country under his charge.
After more than two decades of uneasy armistice between Gilboa and its northern neighbor Gath, the countries re-entered conflict, with Gilboa counter-attacking Gath after a skirmish at the border left 36 soldiers wounded, another eight killed. Gath introduced the Goliath tank to the battlefield, shifting the balance of power, forcing Gilboa to enact conscription and double the number of infantry on the border. The two sides were locked in a war of attrition, until a Gilboan private named David Shepherd performed a remarkable act of heroism on the battlefield, an act that finally brought Gath and Gilboa together for peace talks. King Silas negotiated an end to the conflict, but it is unknown whether the peace will hold.
In Gilboa, healthcare is overseen by the Ministry of Health, which exists to improve the health and well being of the citizens of Gilboa. Life expectancy in the kingdom is 75 years at birth. Infant mortality rate is 5.35 per thousand, making Gilboa among the first ranked globally for infant survival. Gilboan cancer survival rates are, likewise, among the highest in the world. Recent legislation has been presented to the King to universalize healthcare, with an emphasis on children's health and preventative care.
In Gilboa, transport is overseen by the Transportation Ministry, which maintains the roads and motorways of Gilboa, as well as managing air, train and public transport.
Shiloh International Airport is the country's main hub of air travel. Air Shiloh connects outer airports such as Pella, Prosperity, and Calsays to the main hub at Shiloh.
The GTA (Gilboa Transport Authority) manages bus and train lines connecting far-flung areas across the country. The Shiloh subway system is a rapid subterranean transit system, connecting all 350 of Shiloh's subway stations. The Shiloh Subway closes between the hours of 1:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. Gilboa has over 50,000 kilometers of connected public roadway. There are 200,000 kilometers of paved roads. The national rail network carries over 180,000 passengers annually.
The Royal Gilboan Football League includes two teams that compete internationally: the Lorem United and the South End Storm. The national rugby team, the Gilboan Premiere, is based in Bethany. There is an international tennis tournament annually at Unity Stadium, in East Shiloh.
Gilboans are among the top five heaviest television viewers in the world and the kingdom's most successful network is Unity News Network (UNN). Time spent on radio programming is typically two-and-a-half hours a day. The most popular website is the gossip site 200 Meters. There are an estimated 12 million bloggers in Gilboa.
The music of Gilboa is rhythmic and lyrical. It is the style of the indigenous music of Carmel. Elements from folk idioms such as the blues and big band were adopted and transformed into popular genres with global audiences. The popularity of jazz, country music, rhythm and blues still rivals more recent creations including rock and roll, hip hop and house music.
Gilboa's primary grain is wheat. The indigenous foods include turkey, white-tailed deer venison, potatoes, corn, and squash. In terms of cuisine, metropolitan cites such as Shiloh offer up a taste of everything. Tourists in the capital might even be surprised to find some Gath favorites readily available.
The land expanse of Gilboa is 141,299 square kilometers. The kingdom's borders (clockwise from the west) are the Elysium Bay; Austeria, which shares a water border with Gilboa, Gath, and the Provinces of Simeon.
The great Prosperity River Valley dominates northern Gilboa, while the Port at Pella is the chief western feature of the valley, which also includes River Prosperity flowing southwest to the Elysium Bay. The rugged Gideon Mountains, with vast tracts of wilderness, lie west of the valley. Most of the southern part of the country is on the Plains of Dan, which stretch from the southeast to the Abilene Mountains.
The majority of the country is dominated by farms, forests, rivers, mountains, and lakes. Gideon Park is the largest in Gilboa. It is larger than the Lydia National Park and Unity River Valley combined. The Arcadian River begins with Lake Orli, which flows south through the eastern part of the country.
Gilboa generally has a humid continental climate. Weather in Gilboa is heavily influenced by two continental air masses: a warm, humid body from the southwest and a cold, dry one from the northwest. A cool, humid airflow from the North Elysium also has an effect on weather, albeit to a lesser extent than the continental ones. Many continental frontal boundaries move across Gilboa, and storm systems moving north along the coast often affect the southern areas of the country. Winter temperature is -25 °C or lower in the northern mountains; -15 °C or colder in the southwestern and east-central plains. Summer temperature is from 25 to 30 °C over much of the state.
> Gilboan Royal Armed Forces - rundown of the set up
DUPLICITY REFERENCE STUFF - jack serving his sentence
so, jack's dad sentenced his only son to state mandated rape, closed him into a room, and posted armed guards outside of it. that's the canon context for this, and what follows is the meta I put into a couple key tags regarding it. obviously, CW: RAPE ]]
a bit from one tag:
[ the bedroom Thomasina had locked him into (them into) was one far back in the mansion, not often used for visitors, not often wandered to by anyone, and there was the slightest rattle in the vents in the ceiling above it. after accomplishing his task, jack would sit on the floor in nothing but his boxer briefs, stare at a wall, and listen to that fucking rattle while lucinda slept. it was so, so quiet, deafeningly, maddeningly so. enough he could hear the guards outside shift from one foot to the other. or eavesdrop on their conversations. even they felt the need to whisper in the silence of the hall. and, now and again, the jingle and clicks of a rifle - the strap on it, or checking a chamber, or the rattle of the mechanisms, and the hair on the back of jack's neck would prickle like there's lightning in the air. for weeks, that was jack's reality, and at least, after the first few days, lucinda learned better than to disturb him from it. the only variations were meals, showers, and times he had to fulfill his sentence— ]
second tag:
[ it was torture the first time, because every method he had to force his body into this kept failing. he would try to picture something else, someone else, and Thomasina's words would ring in his ears again - 'it's not so hard, just close your eyes and dream of someone who's dead'. he'd tried to detach himself, move his mind somewhere else, but lucinda, stupid fucking girl, kept trying to help, or console, or whatever (he was trying to block it out). even after he told her to just stay quiet, the reality of it wouldn't shake. the longer it took, the more terrified he was of the consequences that would come if he just couldn't get it done. in the beginning, jack hadn't ever thought his father would go this far to truly make him suffer, so he couldn't imagine what line he'd actually stop at, if any, to get what he's wanting.
but like killing, it got easier each time he did it, and jack grew colder and colder. not once, after that first time, did he cry. but she did. ] After each time, she cries, and she cries, and she cries.
[ some nights he lost it, and he yelled at her to just shut the hell up when it was starting to drive him nuts. he'd feel like smothering her with a pillow to make it stop, because he can't feel enough to do the same, and the people who made this happen aren't here, and even if they were, he'd probably break down before he could get through strangling the life from them. even if they stopped loving him, jack can't bring himself to forget his mother's smile or his father's hands. so all jack has to rage against is her and it isn't her fault, and she was innocent, and all she had to do was stay the hell away from him, and her life wouldn't be ripped to shreds. even now, jack barely even cares about her as a person, but he knows exactly what he's done to her. that's what's haunting. ]
I chose her— because she's soft. And malleable. And stupid. [ there's disgust in his voice, but it isn't for Lucinda. he's sucking in gasps of air, lungs feeling tight and crushed, throat constricted too tight, because the reality of this hurts too fucking much. Jack's back in front of his father, begging to die rather than do this again. ] But, not stupid enough she doesn't know what's happening.
[ he didn't know this would happen to her. the last sentence jack breathes is barely more than a whisper, barely comprehensible from the ache in his voice and the way his breathing stutters, failing to give voice to each syllable. ]
I only thought he'd kill me.