ur the only 1 with the facts i need. promise id go 2 somebody who i maybe knew better if that werent the case. no offense
[Intellectually, she knows she should probably hang back on this, but the thought's been nagging at her. While she hasn't yet seen action, other people have. She heard that people died. What if she doesn't get the chance to ask?]
[Fiona's never been very good at sitting on her hands.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
if it makes u feel any better ur probably more stable than me
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so have u read my file? because i dont wanna explain 2 u shit u already know
oh good then my timing was perfect. tell me if i can help with that existential crisis by the way. i fucked a therapist in a bathroom stall once so i know a lot about psychology
[The next few texts, after a pause, come in rapid fire; Fiona wrote them all out at once, and refused to send them until she had the entire message written and complete.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so heres my question. where im from its not a place u wanna tell ppl ur gay. i dont know any adults who talk about that shit. like im sure they exist but they dont say anything. cant blame them really
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
but 1 of my brothers is gay. i tried looking up books on how 2 deal with that but everything at the library is from like 74. which is a while ago if ur from a place with different years u probably r
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
my question is: was there ever anything that helped u growing up? like 2 hear or something u wish somebody told u. anything like that
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so there u go. i wont get pissed if u dont wanna answer i know we arent exactly old friends
I hear they give out degrees through osmosis now, so you can practically set up your own office.
[ ................HAHAHAHAHA NO FIONA WHY DID YOU ASK HIM THIS NOW. WHY DID YOU ASK HIM THIS WHEN HE'S GOING TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT. NO.
There's a good deal of a pause here in which Jack just stares at the comm device like it reached out and slapped him. And then laughs the kind of laugh a man that is a hot fucking mess and knows he's a hot fucking mess does. god, his life is a shitshow right now. this is all going to come in a flurry of word-vomit texting that jack is finding sort of comically sad at the moment, but will be hideously embarrassed by once he's sober. and hung over. and avoiding you. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
One of my parents told me I was a disgrace, the other called it a mistake of character, and they both demanded I purge it from myself, marry a woman and produce an heir.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
To be clear, that is the wrong way to go about it.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Unless you want your brother to despise both you and himself, in which case, go for it.
[ a beat passes in texts, because, well, he has to actually think of a serious answer. and then think of if he really wants to admit to it. and then grow the balls to hit send. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I wanted them to not care. That's it.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
If it's something you have to deal with then it's a problem. An abnormality. Which it is, but act like it isn't. Well enough he can believe you.
[ welcome to jack's gross problems with his sexuality and intense levels of self-loathing, enjoy ur stay ]
[Fiona stares at this for a long time. She's not drunk, or going through a crisis-- well, not beyond the prolonged psychotic break that is joining the CDC-- she's just sitting alone in her rover, paging through her blackglass and eating her dinner. When Jack's story comes in, her hand goes to her mouth, and she thinks about how to even begin to answer. It sounds like a terrible, lonely way to grow up.]
[...Which is how Fiona knows how to answer.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
im sorry about ur parents. nobody deserves 2 wake up 2 that every day
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
also fuck u its not a problem. in the morning u better blame that shit on being drunk. its something 2 deal with because everything is something 2 deal with
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u know i had 2 buy "raising ur teen genius" books 4 lip. at least ians dick will never blow up the science lab.
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i care because other ppl will care. i mean he wants 2 b in the army. thats not a cakewalk
If it wasn't a problem, no one would care. Being a genius is something you celebrate. Letting another man fuck you is something people call wrong and shameful. It's nothing actually wrong with him, seeing as he didn't exactly decide himself to like dicks, but for as long as the world is more heterosexual than homosexual
and for as long as where you're from is not a place you wanna tell people you're gay
it'll be a problem, for him, not a problem with him.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Your responsibility, if you want him to avoid believing everyone else around him, is to be the most important person in his life, and the one he trusts most, telling him that - problem for him, not with him. While everything else he sees and hears is saying the opposite.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Tell him he's normal, tell him it doesn't change who he is, tell him it's the equivalent of liking grape jelly instead of strawberry jelly.
[ jack is basically mainlining whiskey through this entire thing, and, well, luckily it's actually helping with the being honest about what he'd wanted to hear/what would have helped him thing. even if there's another pause here worth of jack trying to decide if he wants to admit to how much he wanted approval or at the very least acceptance, like a little fucking kid, as opposed to heir to throne. it does, eventually, come, though. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Tell him he's allowed to be what God made him, you know exactly who and what that is, and you love him just the same for it.
[ #shit jack wished so hard he could have heard. and hold on, wait a sec, adding some other important details. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
And let him beat the shit out of anyone who says otherwise.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Goes double for military. I was a Major.
[ in the continuing saga of The Worst Advice Ever with your host, Jack Benjamin and his insecurities. ]
the only shameful man sex happening right now is how u can go fuck urself if u keep saying that shit around me
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i dont care what u say about urself but hes my brother. keep a fucking lid on it. i will find u and boot ur drunk ass into a snow drift
[ANGRY TEXTS WRITTEN IN ANGER when she relents, and takes a moment to read the rest of it, she processes it more intelligently, and even with a modicum more of sensitivity. Which is to say 'any'.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
but i get what ur saying. hes a pretty private kid but all teenagers r. he didnt tell me forever i only found out because he doesnt know how 2 fucking hide his porn
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
like i could keep him from getting in2 fights anyway. i wanted 2 burn the school down when i heard his rotc captain talking shit but he says everybody says faggot in the military
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
ill tell him its ok. i didnt think he wanted 2 hear it from me but who knows. hes a good kid hes just so fucking quiet but i guess ur right its better 2 maybe smother than risk leaving somebody behind
[Belatedly......]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
im sorry 4 telling u 2 go fuck urself and threatening to kick ur ass
I'm saying what other people will say about him, to him.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
But that's the right track. Do that. Especially if he's watching or might hear about it.
I'm already in the snow, though, so you'll have to roll me, sorry.
[ legit, he's starfishing out by the bonfire. his ass is starting to freeze. it's a problem. kicking it might actually warm it up, tbh. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
If he's private about, definitely make sure he knows. Means he didn't want to share it. There's a reason for that.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'm not saying wake him up telling him he's a sparkling ray of gay sunshine and paint rainbows across his room, I'm saying make it a non-issue. He's not any more or less special and it doesn't separate him from anyone else. He just likes men.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
The rest of the family needs to know and they need to do the same. Living with hiding it perpetuates the idea that he ought to and the fear of being exposed. Hiding in his own home will eat at him.
u think i dont know what other ppl say? i dont need 2 hear it from a fucking adult. stop trying 2 shock me or ill stomp ur ass
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
also if u get hypothermia out there im gonna b pissed
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
have u ever tried 2 wake up a teenager. i couldnt do that if i tried. but i know what u mean. ill find a way 2 let him know. ill let the rest of the kids in on it
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
she was a kid from the grade above him. i dont know if captain is the right word
[ROTC terminology is not actually high on Fiona's priority list, sry.]
What, it's only been kids saying it to him so far? Oh that's not half as bad.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'll be fine. I know a space heater.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I make a point to never interact with anyone 18 or under so, no, I haven't.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Publically humiliate her several times worse than she did your brother. Make sure she knows it was you but not the others. Make her terrified of showing up to school at all, let alone speaking or looking at your brother.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Rinse and repeat for any other kid that gives him shit.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'll be fine. Like I said, space heater on speed dial.
but then u say u read my file and u make jokes like that
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
like wow jack this must b some amazing long game ur playing here
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
right now i am so filled with confidence in u
[These texts come sporadically as Fiona orbits the bondfire, trying to find the disheveled lump she recognizes. It would go faster if she could stop instinctually looking for Frank.]
[She doesn't want to think about that right now. Jack is smaller, and he wears better clothes. Eventually, Fiona finds him by almost tripping right over him.] Fuck-!
Difference with me is I don't want children, and the one I might end up having I'm not going to be allowed to keep, so I'm not fucking up anyone else's life but my own.
[ Which is all he sends as far as texts go, and lays back waiting otherwise, thinking on that. If Fiona had wanted him to read her file, he'd assumed she'd already read his and new about that whole child he'll be having if he's ever sent home. Maybe not, though. And now that seems sort of awkward after the fact. A thought that gets interrupted by Fiona nearly trips on him. ]
Ow. [ He drawls flattly, brushing some kicked up snow off his chest. But the thought from earlier is stil floating around in his mind, and he brings it up just as casually. ]
[Fiona doesn't trip over him, but she does fall backwards, landing on her ass in the snow. After one or two colorful invectives, she rights herself, folding her legs under her. Jack doesn't look nearly as bad as she was picturing. He's clearly bathed in the last four days. What was she expecting?]
[She knows what she was expecting, and she's glad not to find it. But she doesn't want to think about that, either-] Hi. [Uh, he asked a question...]
No. Should I? You a murderer or something I should know about? [She's pretty sure he likes shocking people, and she's not going to let him win. She learned that tactic from living with Lip her whole life. It's a game she thinks she can win.]
[ His head lolls to the side, looking over her for a long moment with an expression that would normally never been seen if this were daylight and if he were upright and sober. or even relatively sober. it's the blank eyed, hollow sort of thing. ]
I am. [ A murderer. Maybe he didn't pull the trigger on those that were slaughtered during the coup, but he stood by and let it happen. Played his part on it. But the counselor in Unity Hall. The red pool inching out over the expensive polished wood, the gunshot ringing in the room designed to support acoustics easily, and the cool emptiness he felt as he watched it. That was him. That was on his hands. ] You'll want to read it. You'll want to read everyone's here.
[ It's better she learns it now instead of getting to know him and finding out what he really is later. ]
Ohh, spooky. [She likes to think she knows better than to indulge someone when they're in this kind of gloomy mood. More importantly, she knows not to take anything a drunk says at face value. She picks up a bIt of snow and sprinkles It over hIs face.]
When I want your advice, I'll ask for it. [She's too old to argue with drunks. That's kId stuff. ] What rover you in?
[ Jack's blowing at the snowflakes falling towards his face, and while some of them get shot back up, the majority ends up decorating his nose and cheeks, expression wrinkling with distaste. Rude, Fiona. ]
Don't say I didn't warn you. [ A wry shrug, as much as he can shrug chilling out in the snow. When she eventually finds out, well, he tried. He's honestly more concerned about her not checking into the others at the moment. That'll be the actual danger. ] 020. Driver. You?
Don't worry, [Fiona stands, and dusts some of the now off her knees and ass. It's a gesture learned from habit rather than necessity; she's never owned waterproof clothes, and her CDC issued uniform remains a novelty.] when I fuck up, it's always all on me.
[She speaks with a slight twinge of bitterness, but this isn't about her. Very few things are. She pushes it aside, and her expression goes back to a tired yet affectionate sneer It's a slip, but she's not particularly worried. He's drunk and lying in the snow like a dead fish after she grilled him about his childhood out of nowhere; why would the hell would he, or anyone else, care?]
34's driver. But we're- [with a grunt, she grabs his arm, and begins to pull,] going to get- [another pull,] you home first. C'mon-
[ Jack grumbles out an irritated groan, but doesn’t fight Fiona hauling him up. Typically, there isn’t anyone around for this sort of task, save for maybe a bodyguard. Or Joseph. It’s been Joseph, and that brings about a whole new want to drink. Before he’s all the way up, Jack’s able to grab at the whiskey bottle that was chilling in the snow next to him and toss back one final swig, before he caps it. Gotta preserve that shit here. ]
Are you gonna tuck me in and read me a bedtime story too? [ spoken wryly, with a drunken half-chuckle, half-giggle. Are you his keeper now, Fiona? ]
[Fiona pulls his arm over her shoulder, lending him her support so he can walk in an almost straight line. She's an old hand at this, and every step is sure-footed despite the ice and the awkwardness. She's done this more times than she can count.]
Maybe if you ask real nice. Seems like tonight's my night to do dumb shit around drunk assholes.
[ Jack lets himself be maneuvered easily, slumping against Fiona, but not really with all of his weight. Drunk and wobbly and five sheets to the damn wind as he is, there’s still some conscientious part of him that doesn’t want her having to haul his tall ass all the way back. ]
You make a good Mom, you know. Kids need that. Your brothers or sisters or whatever need that. [ the unspoken part being ‘otherwise they turn into drunk assholes like me’, but they’ve talked enough about Jack’s shitty parents for the night. ]
[That was a very gentle, affectionate kick in the gut. Fiona's expression shifts for a moment, caught in worry and doubt. It passes quickly, but her smile is a bit more strained afterward.]
I know. [She stops, tries again.] I mean- I know they need it. Everybody needs it. [She needed it. She keeps trudging through the snow, dragging Jack along with her.] Four little brothers, one sister. Lip, Ian, Debbie, Carl, Liam.
[She wonders if he'll remember this in the morning. Whatever, it keeps them off the subject of her.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
ur the only 1 with the facts i need. promise id go 2 somebody who i maybe knew better if that werent the case. no offense
[Intellectually, she knows she should probably hang back on this, but the thought's been nagging at her. While she hasn't yet seen action, other people have. She heard that people died. What if she doesn't get the chance to ask?]
[Fiona's never been very good at sitting on her hands.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
if it makes u feel any better ur probably more stable than me
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so have u read my file? because i dont wanna explain 2 u shit u already know
no subject
Possible, but your file's pretty tame. And yes, I've read it.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
As a forewarning, I'm drunk off my ass, experiencing an existential crisis and being a douchebag to most people I'm talking to, but I'll do my best.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
What's the question?
no subject
oh good then my timing was perfect. tell me if i can help with that existential crisis by the way. i fucked a therapist in a bathroom stall once so i know a lot about psychology
[The next few texts, after a pause, come in rapid fire; Fiona wrote them all out at once, and refused to send them until she had the entire message written and complete.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so heres my question. where im from its not a place u wanna tell ppl ur gay. i dont know any adults who talk about that shit. like im sure they exist but they dont say anything. cant blame them really
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
but 1 of my brothers is gay. i tried looking up books on how 2 deal with that but everything at the library is from like 74. which is a while ago if ur from a place with different years u probably r
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
my question is: was there ever anything that helped u growing up? like 2 hear or something u wish somebody told u. anything like that
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
so there u go. i wont get pissed if u dont wanna answer i know we arent exactly old friends
no subject
I hear they give out degrees through osmosis now, so you can practically set up your own office.
[ ................HAHAHAHAHA NO FIONA WHY DID YOU ASK HIM THIS NOW. WHY DID YOU ASK HIM THIS WHEN HE'S GOING TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT. NO.
There's a good deal of a pause here in which Jack just stares at the comm device like it reached out and slapped him. And then laughs the kind of laugh a man that is a hot fucking mess and knows he's a hot fucking mess does. god, his life is a shitshow right now. this is all going to come in a flurry of word-vomit texting that jack is finding sort of comically sad at the moment, but will be hideously embarrassed by once he's sober. and hung over. and avoiding you. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
One of my parents told me I was a disgrace, the other called it a mistake of character, and they both demanded I purge it from myself, marry a woman and produce an heir.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
To be clear, that is the wrong way to go about it.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Unless you want your brother to despise both you and himself, in which case, go for it.
[ a beat passes in texts, because, well, he has to actually think of a serious answer. and then think of if he really wants to admit to it. and then grow the balls to hit send. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I wanted them to not care. That's it.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
If it's something you have to deal with then it's a problem. An abnormality. Which it is, but act like it isn't. Well enough he can believe you.
[ welcome to jack's gross problems with his sexuality and intense levels of self-loathing, enjoy ur stay ]
no subject
[...Which is how Fiona knows how to answer.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
im sorry about ur parents. nobody deserves 2 wake up 2 that every day
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
also fuck u its not a problem. in the morning u better blame that shit on being drunk. its something 2 deal with because everything is something 2 deal with
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
u know i had 2 buy "raising ur teen genius" books 4 lip. at least ians dick will never blow up the science lab.
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i care because other ppl will care. i mean he wants 2 b in the army. thats not a cakewalk
no subject
If it wasn't a problem, no one would care. Being a genius is something you celebrate. Letting another man fuck you is something people call wrong and shameful. It's nothing actually wrong with him, seeing as he didn't exactly decide himself to like dicks, but for as long as the world is more heterosexual than homosexual
and for as long as where you're from is not a place you wanna tell people you're gay
it'll be a problem, for him, not a problem with him.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Your responsibility, if you want him to avoid believing everyone else around him, is to be the most important person in his life, and the one he trusts most, telling him that - problem for him, not with him. While everything else he sees and hears is saying the opposite.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Tell him he's normal, tell him it doesn't change who he is, tell him it's the equivalent of liking grape jelly instead of strawberry jelly.
[ jack is basically mainlining whiskey through this entire thing, and, well, luckily it's actually helping with the being honest about what he'd wanted to hear/what would have helped him thing. even if there's another pause here worth of jack trying to decide if he wants to admit to how much he wanted approval or at the very least acceptance, like a little fucking kid, as opposed to heir to throne. it does, eventually, come, though. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Tell him he's allowed to be what God made him, you know exactly who and what that is, and you love him just the same for it.
[ #shit jack wished so hard he could have heard. and hold on, wait a sec, adding some other important details. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
And let him beat the shit out of anyone who says otherwise.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Goes double for military. I was a Major.
[ in the continuing saga of The Worst Advice Ever with your host, Jack Benjamin and his insecurities. ]
no subject
the only shameful man sex happening right now is how u can go fuck urself if u keep saying that shit around me
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
i dont care what u say about urself but hes my brother. keep a fucking lid on it. i will find u and boot ur drunk ass into a snow drift
[ANGRY TEXTS WRITTEN IN ANGER when she relents, and takes a moment to read the rest of it, she processes it more intelligently, and even with a modicum more of sensitivity. Which is to say 'any'.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
but i get what ur saying. hes a pretty private kid but all teenagers r. he didnt tell me forever i only found out because he doesnt know how 2 fucking hide his porn
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
like i could keep him from getting in2 fights anyway. i wanted 2 burn the school down when i heard his rotc captain talking shit but he says everybody says faggot in the military
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
ill tell him its ok. i didnt think he wanted 2 hear it from me but who knows. hes a good kid hes just so fucking quiet but i guess ur right its better 2 maybe smother than risk leaving somebody behind
[Belatedly......]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
im sorry 4 telling u 2 go fuck urself and threatening to kick ur ass
[(Not actually remotely sorry.)]
no subject
I'm saying what other people will say about him, to him.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
But that's the right track. Do that. Especially if he's watching or might hear about it.
I'm already in the snow, though, so you'll have to roll me, sorry.
[ legit, he's starfishing out by the bonfire. his ass is starting to freeze. it's a problem. kicking it might actually warm it up, tbh. ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
If he's private about, definitely make sure he knows. Means he didn't want to share it. There's a reason for that.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'm not saying wake him up telling him he's a sparkling ray of gay sunshine and paint rainbows across his room, I'm saying make it a non-issue. He's not any more or less special and it doesn't separate him from anyone else. He just likes men.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
The rest of the family needs to know and they need to do the same. Living with hiding it perpetuates the idea that he ought to and the fear of being exposed. Hiding in his own home will eat at him.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
ROTC captain an adult or a kid?
[ and to that last part: ]
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Liar.
no subject
u think i dont know what other ppl say? i dont need 2 hear it from a fucking adult. stop trying 2 shock me or ill stomp ur ass
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
also if u get hypothermia out there im gonna b pissed
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
have u ever tried 2 wake up a teenager. i couldnt do that if i tried. but i know what u mean. ill find a way 2 let him know. ill let the rest of the kids in on it
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
she was a kid from the grade above him. i dont know if captain is the right word
[ROTC terminology is not actually high on Fiona's priority list, sry.]
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
o shit u caught me. dont freeze 2 death u jackass
no subject
What, it's only been kids saying it to him so far? Oh that's not half as bad.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'll be fine. I know a space heater.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I make a point to never interact with anyone 18 or under so, no, I haven't.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Publically humiliate her several times worse than she did your brother. Make sure she knows it was you but not the others. Make her terrified of showing up to school at all, let alone speaking or looking at your brother.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Rinse and repeat for any other kid that gives him shit.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
I'll be fine. Like I said, space heater on speed dial.
no subject
shit ok thatll be easy good idea. thank u again jack i really mean it
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
last time i believed drunk ppl i was 11. where r u
no subject
No problem. Let me know if you need ideas.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Bonfire. See? Not freezing.
no subject
oh please girls r easy 2 embarrass in high school. i need 2 rumors and a tampon bam done
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
this may b a shock but booze tends 2 put ppl 2 sleep after a while
[Anyway, she's getting up and throwing on a coat, getting ready to try and find him.]
no subject
I didn't want to be the one to say it, but yes.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Alcoholism has helped me evolve an instinctual habit of always passing out on my side, I think. That or my fairy godmother always rolls me over.
So maybe I'll get frostbite but I won't drown in vomit. That's a plus.
And nanites heal frostbite.
no subject
c u say shit like that so u cant be an idiot
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
but then u say u read my file and u make jokes like that
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
like wow jack this must b some amazing long game ur playing here
FROM: gallagher.fiona@cdc.org
right now i am so filled with confidence in u
[These texts come sporadically as Fiona orbits the bondfire, trying to find the disheveled lump she recognizes. It would go faster if she could stop instinctually looking for Frank.]
[She doesn't want to think about that right now. Jack is smaller, and he wears better clothes. Eventually, Fiona finds him by almost tripping right over him.] Fuck-!
no subject
I did warn you I was being a douchebag.
FROM: benjamin.jonathan@cdc.org
Difference with me is I don't want children, and the one I might end up having I'm not going to be allowed to keep, so I'm not fucking up anyone else's life but my own.
[ Which is all he sends as far as texts go, and lays back waiting otherwise, thinking on that. If Fiona had wanted him to read her file, he'd assumed she'd already read his and new about that whole child he'll be having if he's ever sent home. Maybe not, though. And now that seems sort of awkward after the fact. A thought that gets interrupted by Fiona nearly trips on him. ]
Ow. [ He drawls flattly, brushing some kicked up snow off his chest. But the thought from earlier is stil floating around in his mind, and he brings it up just as casually. ]
Have you read my file?
no subject
[She knows what she was expecting, and she's glad not to find it. But she doesn't want to think about that, either-] Hi. [Uh, he asked a question...]
No. Should I? You a murderer or something I should know about? [She's pretty sure he likes shocking people, and she's not going to let him win. She learned that tactic from living with Lip her whole life. It's a game she thinks she can win.]
no subject
I am. [ A murderer. Maybe he didn't pull the trigger on those that were slaughtered during the coup, but he stood by and let it happen. Played his part on it. But the counselor in Unity Hall. The red pool inching out over the expensive polished wood, the gunshot ringing in the room designed to support acoustics easily, and the cool emptiness he felt as he watched it. That was him. That was on his hands. ] You'll want to read it. You'll want to read everyone's here.
[ It's better she learns it now instead of getting to know him and finding out what he really is later. ]
Better to be aware.
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When I want your advice, I'll ask for it. [She's too old to argue with drunks. That's kId stuff. ] What rover you in?
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Don't say I didn't warn you. [ A wry shrug, as much as he can shrug chilling out in the snow. When she eventually finds out, well, he tried. He's honestly more concerned about her not checking into the others at the moment. That'll be the actual danger. ] 020. Driver. You?
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[She speaks with a slight twinge of bitterness, but this isn't about her. Very few things are. She pushes it aside, and her expression goes back to a tired yet affectionate sneer It's a slip, but she's not particularly worried. He's drunk and lying in the snow like a dead fish after she grilled him about his childhood out of nowhere; why would the hell would he, or anyone else, care?]
34's driver. But we're- [with a grunt, she grabs his arm, and begins to pull,] going to get- [another pull,] you home first. C'mon-
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Are you gonna tuck me in and read me a bedtime story too? [ spoken wryly, with a drunken half-chuckle, half-giggle. Are you his keeper now, Fiona? ]
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Maybe if you ask real nice. Seems like tonight's my night to do dumb shit around drunk assholes.
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You make a good Mom, you know. Kids need that. Your brothers or sisters or whatever need that. [ the unspoken part being ‘otherwise they turn into drunk assholes like me’, but they’ve talked enough about Jack’s shitty parents for the night. ]
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I know. [She stops, tries again.] I mean- I know they need it. Everybody needs it. [She needed it. She keeps trudging through the snow, dragging Jack along with her.] Four little brothers, one sister. Lip, Ian, Debbie, Carl, Liam.
[She wonders if he'll remember this in the morning. Whatever, it keeps them off the subject of her.]
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some day jack will stop being a fucking sad shit
some day both of them will. today is not that day.
8( nope
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